The Pain in Pancreas

A River of Money

A river of money runs through Bingo Planet.  Not kidding.  Inside those doors you would NEVER guess that there is recession going on.  I have yet to play a game of Bingo or buy pickles.  I don't have a moral or ethical problem with bingo...IMHO it is a loose form a gambling, and I am pretty sure that some of the people in there are addicted to gambling. Still, it is game, and for probably 85% of the people there, even the ones there week after week, it just a game, a form of entertainment.  It truly doesn't allure me at all...however, I really do like to help out and watch people.  That is entertainment to me.  But to drop $100 on pickles or bingo...nothankyou...Even if someone gave me $100 to spend on Bingo...I wouldn't do it, I would instead hit the garage sales or a fabric shop.  Tonight, we as a family are helping out for the band.  Next week will be for Buggy's class...and it is going to be busy, cuz we are about ready to give out the $10,000 jackpot.  That brings in LOTS of people.  And a river of money with it. 

Time Wages

Being the blond that I am...I had this all thought out in my mind....and it actually MADE SENSE in my mind...but doing this plan/schedule of mine doesn't really seem to work in reality.  My thought?  Time wages...where I do keep losing it?!?!   At the end of the day, I cannot seem to find time..  Here it is...I work about three and a half hours a day away from home (what I actually get paid to do) I get home around noon...so I would think that calculates out to 10 hours until I go to bed based on 10 PM bedtime (hahahahaha) 10 hours.  Ten full hours to clean the house, work outside in the yard, get some quilting done, make supper, and such.  Honestly, I thought that IF I spent 2 hours a day on household chores...this includesjust daily chores...you know, the same things that DEMAND attention everyday like.laundryry (washing, drying, folding, hanging up, putting up) clean up the kitchen (3 plus times a day) general pick-up, planning dinner, making dinner, etc (daily chores only) I could very easily keep up a CLEAN house and caught up laundry on two hours a day...IN MY MIND.  And in that line of thinking...ONE hour outside to weed, dead head flowers, water the neighbors flowers, looking over the garden (and water the weeds when Chris isn't around!) Observe and look at my roses, flowers and enjoy them...I should have a nice weed-free garden, nice looking flowers, and even have my neighbors yard looking good spending only an hour a day...phhfffff!  Next I would say that I spend roughly an hour on the internet (I keep trying to do less than that) SO...this should EASILY leave me 6 hours to quilt...in my perfect thought out world.  OK...first of all....my house IS always cluttered...the bathrooms always need attention, I NEVER have the laundry caught up...very time I turn around, my kitchen is a mess (again), however, in my defense, I do get my bed made every morning...that is the only thing that gets done a regular basis.  One hour outside....can easily turn into several hours, or it could be 10 minutes if the weather acts up...either way, my flowers aren't all that beautiful to look at, the garden is kinda weeded, kinda needs more weeding...my neighbors yard actually does look better than mine. I am fairly real on my computer time... until bedtime, then I get on.  I honestly don't spend much time on the computer during the day.  So, do I actually spend 6 hours a day quilting?  Yeah, right!  Do I spend 4 hours a day quilting?  Nope, guess again.  I get to spend...if I am lucky, an hour a day.  ONE hour.  So...the time wages are not adding up in real time.  What the heck do I really do all day?  I get interrupted with life.  Two kids and company who need rides, who want to hit Happy Hour, who want to play card games, who need to be refereed...who create extra messes that need attention, a neighbor that drains me, and a pancreas that demands that I stop in my tracks.  Some volunteer time.  I don't where my time goes...but it does.  And at the end of the day, I still come up short.  I am not real good at time management, I guess.         

Otherwise Occupied

I would rather quilt that do chores...  My standards to a clean and organized house have plunged to all time lows.  It is presentable.  I am no longer anal about my house being clean.  In fact, tonight we are having the whole Youth Group over to watch the Nuggets game.  20 or more kids...and I will just go with the flow.  Meanwhile...here is some projects I have been working on...

Puberting

Dimple Cheeks asked me why if he doesn't have a sore throat, if he doesn't feel sick...why does his voice crack?  My answer..."you are puberting"   I was expecting a "what is that?!?" Instead...he just rolled his eyes and walked away.  I truly think he just did not want to "open that can of worms" where I start talking about hormones and sex and speak quite frankly about things that he totally gets embarrassed about.  I talk about "those embarrassing things" because I know that failure to talk about "those things" does not make them go away, or keep them from happening.  Because Dimple Cheeks has an older brother...I am pretty sure he knows what the word puberty means, and that is good thing.  Really.  "Puberting."  The testosterone levels around here are on the rise...proceed with caution.  

And the heavens opened up...

There was rumbling of thunder in the distance.  A few dark gray clouds.  Nothing out of the ordinary to suggest that the heavens were about to open up and DUMP on us.  Dimple Cheeks and I were potting flowers, C was mowing the back yard so that he could then put up the tent to let it DRY out from camping.  A few big drops, giving us about a 10 second warning, and WHOOSH...it just started pouring.  Then, because it wasn't funny enough to soak those of us who were totally oblivious to the impending deluge... (we left all the flowers out thinking it would be a quick shower and it would pass quickly) pea sized hail was added to make those of us already cold and wet scramble to attempt to save the flowers.  I think God got a good chuckle watching us scramble like we did.  Did we save the flowers?  I think OUR flowers were saved from the brunt of the hail (closest to coverage) however, the flowers I bought today that we were putting into pots look a little more begaggled.  Those were the furthest from the protection of my garage, and, unfortunately...those flowers I purchased for my neighbor to finish out a yard project we are working on for her.  Chris didn't get the tent up to dry it out...which is probably good because I am pretty sure that it would be wetter now than it was.  Ahhh...springtime in the Rockies!

Where God vacations...

God vacations here, in colorado, and I am blessed beyond measure that I can escape "the doldrums of realty" by a mere 45 minute drive, and drive right into a whole new world...I don't have to spend thousands of dollars, catch a plane, and rent a car, schedule out and plan,  I don't have to drive hundreds of miles...no altitude sickness to deal with, and the best part, I can camp in a motor home if I want (stay with my parents, sleep like a queen) I can sleep in a tent, or I can have s'mores by the campfire and be home in my own bed in 45 minutes.  I would say thousands of people spend lots of time, effort, energy and phenomenal amounts of money for a vacation that is just minutes away for us.  And I am blessed.  I love it when I feel I have "escaped" for awhile.  I love the smell of pine, the campfire, the scent of rain.... the crunch of pine needles under my feet, the sound of rushing river water, the taste of food cooked over a campfire.   Sometimes I long for far off places, but some of the best places to really disconnect with the world and connect with God, and my family, is a hiking trail some 25 miles from my house, a favorite camping spot 30 minutes away, and a leisurely afternoon ofghetto golf with a breathtaking sight of snow-capped mountains is only 45 minutes from home.  Simplicity.  The best things in life aren't things....

My New Temporary Dislike of WalMart

Our WalMart is remodeling.  Uggg.  I hate grocery shopping anyway...and when the groceries and everything else is NOT where it is suppose to be...when you find the "camping" aisle and intermixed is toilet paper and gluten free foods...then you know you are in for a treat.  Yes, and what a treat it is when even the EMPLOYEES don't know where the heck shower curtain liners are...cuz they are NOT in the same aisle as the towels, or designer shower curtains, shower rings, designer soap and toothbrush things (no plain shower curtain liners ANYWHERE) as anyone with half a brain would think that these items would be grouped together.  Nope.  Then there is the aisle that has laundry soap AND Popcorn side by side.  Yes.  I have NO FREAKING idea why these are grouped together either.  So I am totally disliking Wal-Mart right now.  Not that I have ever been a HUGE fan of Wal-Mart, just more of a HUGE fan of saving quite a bit more money by putting up with their quirks.  And Wal-Mart lost a few more positive points from me when they totally got rid of their fabric department.  I didn't buy much fabric there, but I LOVED to browse the sewing section.  Which is now a craft section, much smaller and NOT grouped together sensibly either, IMHO.  Shesh.  Prices go up and up and up....what I viewed as a" not so pleasant trip to the grocery store" has become "worse than going to the dentist and having a root canal done" sentiment.  OK, maybe not really, but close.  Really close. 

Hello Insanity!

School is out!  Hello Insanity!  Not a "sad" end of school year this year...in fact, more like "at peace" with the end of the school year.  No dread for summer and trying to figure out what to do with the boys this summer... not a big year, like graduation or end of elementary school...just two boys growing up way too fast.  I was just getting into a routine, and wham!  School is out.  My house is going to be a mess (not that it was ever completely clean...) My house is going to be noisy, my house is going to be oozing testosterone...boys and company will be hangin' around.  I am going to try to blog (for sanity sake) more regularly.  

By The Numbers

78,624 hours I have lived with pain and chronic pancreatitis.  That is 3276 days...almost 9 years to the day.  1599 days that I have been waiting for a decision from a judge.  1599 DAYS...and tomorrow the moment comes...45 MINUTES for a decision that I have suffered 78,624 hours with.  45 minutes to prove that I live with pain 24/7.  I would gladly trade places with this judge for 24 hours.  I would bet that 24 MINUTES is all he would need to rule in my favor.  250 + procedures and test done, hundreds upon hundreds of doctor visits and hospital visits.  Thousands of pain killers, nearly a million dollars in health-care costs...and here I sit, getting 45 minutes with the same judge that heard my case over two years ago and the Supreme Court remanded back to this same  judge because he made a hasty and preconceived decision not based on evidence within my files.  I won't even mention the number of times I have thrown up, passed out, layed on my bathroom floor all night, shook and cried to myself,  I can't count the sleepless nights because of the pain, the pain I see in my kids eyes because they know I am in pain.  I can't count how many times I made myself do activities determined to not let the PAIN ruin the moment, our plans...and I can't count how many times I cried because this pain is so unfair, I can't begin to fathom how many times I prayed to God that to help me make it through, or how many times I have prayed for God to come back to claim his Kingdom, or at least come and get me and take me to heaven.  More times than I care to count that I have stuffed it, kept quiet, didn't complain, did my best to be a good  wife/mom./daughter/sister/friend/employee/neighbor...not a complainer or come across that I am entitled because I hurt.  I have done my level best to NOT be the pain to my friends, to my family, to my boss, etc.  I do all I can to be ME...Suzi Buggeln... not "pain patient" not "fair weather-friend" "the lazy Mom" "Suzi Slacker" I blame myself for the financial pit that we are in...all the hospital stays, all the doctor visits, the fact that I could NOT work a full time job even though I want to...just to ease the guilt of the financial burden I have placed on my family.  So I do I tell of this to this judge??  I can't.  I am leaving it to God.  I am pleading my case with God.  He knows.  He has a better handle on the numbers I do. But, I am asking for prayer.  I keep giving it to God, then I take it back and fret and worry some more.  And I am so scared if the decision is unfavorable again...I will be left to wonder, does God really hear, was He really there caring all those hours that I thought He was?